Over the years I have made nutritional and lifestyle changes that have been more body loving, prioritized stronger self-care, opened my heart to give and receive more love and compassion… it has taught me a lot about my beliefs, faith, trust, fears, SURRENDER, illusions and denial. It continues to show me how much I know and how little I know.
I’m still learning through this experience to stay in curiosity and possibility, to live in the moment, and let my soul and God lead me.
I feel grateful for all the ways that I have grown and how I continue to grow and wake up. There are many moments when I wish my path had not gone this way.
What strengthens me when my fears arise is knowing that there is a purpose to everything and recognizing all of the ways the universe supports me with people, information, resources at the perfect time to take the next step.
For the third time I have been reminded that I am NOT my body, my thoughts, my feelings, conditions… that I AM spirit, whole, well, and innocent; that I am one with God and always have been- no separation.
I am being guided to remember that I am already whole and well and not my symptoms while attending to the needs of my body and life!
I know this intellectually and on many inner levels as my ego program still creates conflict. This past week when the third reminder came in the form of a book gifted to me called, “A Course in Health and Well-Being”, using the principles of A Course in Miracles, I felt a deeper ka-chunk inside.
I have never worked with ACIM and many of the principles are ones I know from my life experiences and other resources.
In the book, the author Cindy Lora-Renard says:
“The body cannot heal because it cannot make itself sick. It needs no healing. Its health or sickness depends entirely on how the mind perceives it, and the purpose the mind would use it for.”
She explains that the source of all suffering is guilt – about believing you are separate from God and living from that belief. It is that belief that you are separate that becomes the breeding ground for illness, lack, pain, loneliness….It is the undoing of the ego’s beliefs that change the reality of your experience be replacing the Truth of your Oneness with the Holy Spirit/God/Source/Jesus; that you are and always will be spirit, whole, healthy, and innocent. Feel into this for a moment… If you were free from the ego’s beliefs, how would your life change?
The following morning after reading 1/3 of the book I awoke in great physical pain. My sense was that my ego was fighting against what I was reading and trying to pull me back into suffering – resistance to Truth. The more I affirmed what was true that I am spirit, whole, well, and innocent and reached out to God/Holy Spirit/Jesus, the pain began to ease.
As I am navigating this next phase of health and mental/emotional shifts back to the TRUTH, I have decided to go forward with brief radiation and hormonal therapy. If these medical interventions helps positively, that is a wonderful gift.
I have asked my Angelic team to neutralize any negative impact of my body’s ability to heal so that the positive benefits are received.
During treatment and after, my focus will be on living in the moment and continuing to tune into soul/Divine guidance for my decisions AND undoing the mental/emotional patterns that are ego driven that keep me in suffering rather than love and peace.
And I am listening inside to what I am being guided to do or not do.
I vascillate between my ego’s beliefs and my soul knowing. Some moments I feel shaky and then I feel my soul connection bringing me back to calm and clarity without drama. I keep coming back to, “What is the truth? What is “right” (not wrong or right) perception that is God Mind, which in truth is my mind when I stand in Oneness?”
In this period of “awakening’ everything is in question; to ask what is really true at the deepest level of inner knowing? I’m paying particular attention to attaching meaning and outcome to allow what is for my best and highest good to unfold without getting in the way. I am still working with deepening trust. It’s one thing to talk about all this and another to actually LIVE from this inner space.
I’m grateful that my mind is sharp, my healing gifts remain strong, I am still working with clients to undo the ego programs to have healthy, abundant and soulful lives, people who love me, my angelic team, and my sweet cat Kai who is lying right next to me on my bed. So many blessings.
Where this is leading me in this physical reality, I don’t know. What I do know is that it is leading me back home to my soul and God. And that is where I find love, peace and strength. The rest will come when it comes.
One final comment about the ego… I believe it does serve a purpose in this physical reality BUT not in it’s current form. It was never meant to become our identity or what we rely on for truth, rather to be in positive service to us in living our greatest dreams with God leading the way.
In this moment, I have everything I need and that is enough. 🙂
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