I was a shy child. Growing up with a sister who was a bully made life very difficult. With both parents working I was often left in her care. As a strong personality, she was able to make me look like the trouble maker in my parent’s eyes despite my efforts to be believed.
I learned to repress my feelings and emotionally ate at night in the dark. I developed a slight stutter and spasm pains that often sent me home from school because I didn’t feel safe to speak up.
When I hit puberty, I somehow became aware that holding my voice back was making me sick. So I began speaking up. Anger and rage helped me find my voice, not love.
In my late 20’s I had a life-changing conversation with my mother that impacted the course of my life. In my parent’s generation, feelings were not discussed. When she shared her unhappiness with her marriage to my father, I didn’t have the words to console her in the way she needed.
So, she stayed silent in the marriage and pushed her unhappiness down into her body. Several years later she died of leukemia and my world fell apart.
For over 30 years I have gotten to know myself intimately at very deep levels in the shadows and the Light. Holding my voice back is no longer an option. When my heart has something that needs to be heard I must speak or suffer in pain.
That conversation with my mother showed me the importance of expressing what we think and feel for ourselves and in our relationships; how to listen and really be there with compassion and love without shutting people down.
I know that’s one of the reasons why I do deep inner healing work with clients to help them find their voice and the words to express the truth of their heart. Without ways to release what we feel and think inside, the energy gets stuck in the body to create pain, illness, and suffering.
Breaking out of silence begins with a willingness to look deeply within and to give ourselves permission to speak even if it feels scary or wrong.
We are in this physical plane to FEEL and sometimes being true to ourselves makes people uncomfortable and shakes up their world. A shake up can be a powerful wake up.
Self expression invites integrity, confidence and self-responsibility for the ways we show up in the world which builds safety and self trust. Living an authentic life takes courage and inner strength to be both humanly messy and soulfully wise.
Does the truth really set you free?
It has for me in so many ways!
I have loving and supportive friendships that are authentic. We hold nothing back which creates safety and real intimacy to flourish. If a misunderstanding or a conflict arises, we lean in towards each other to work through it with mutual love, compassion and respect.
I have come to love public speaking, writing, being interviewed on hundreds of programs, hosting my own radio show for several years, a co-author in two anthologies that became best-sellers, shooting videos, leading workshops….!! Big surprise about all that.
And sometimes I feel I am also speaking for others who are too afraid to speak or who cannot find the words. My voice is also theirs.
The truth does set you free.
Is there something that your heart is bursting to say?