Why Trying To Get “Rid Of Fear” Is A Mind Game You Can’t Win

reflection, shadow

“You are allowed to be scared. Fear doesn’t come up because you did something wrong, you’re doomed, or you look funny. Fear comes up because you’re not seeing some gorgeous, valuable and much-needed jewel right where you’re standing, and it will absolutely not let you go out that door without it.” – Mark Silver

I’ve been dancing with fear all my life. For example, when I was in my 30’s I overcame fear of public speaking to become a sought after speaker and I moved to a new state with little money and no steady income to build a coaching/spiritual guidance/therapy practice that is approaching its 28th year. Was it scary? Hell yeah.

How did I deal with my fears and doubts? At the time I used what most people were working with: affirmations, creative visualization, focusing on being in the present, breathing, hypnosis, emotionally eating….techniques geared to interrupt the mental messages, body sensations, and change beliefs and “get rid” of the fear feelings.

The focus was all about stopping and getting rid of unwanted fears and feelings.

In the late 1990’s my life fell apart for the second time.  After buying a new home, a new car, doing some home renovations, my therapy practice suddenly began to steadily decline. Money fears created a panic and I found the usual mind control techniques failed to provide any long term relief. I had periods of feeling terrified, helpless, angry, desperate, and sad. At other times I saw something miraculous happening that would change my life if I just stayed strong and trusting to walk the distance through the darkness into the Light.

What was missing?

I began to understand the missing pieces.  I realized that facing fear is not about overcoming it, it is about walking through it. I began looking at fear in a new light…

Instead, imagine seeing fear as an ally to:

  • Keep you out of harm’s way by alerting you to danger
  • Help you to discern when you need to set healthy boundaries to be safe and protected
  • Support you in developing courage to show up to LIFE
  • Build faith in yourself, others, and God
  • Provide motivational and inspirational energy to break through perceived limitations and illusions to stand in your greatness.
  • Show you when the “little you” inside needs attention and comfort; to feel love, care, and protection
  • Empower you to find your voice in your relationships, your business and in the message you wish to share with the world.
  • And most importantly, show you when you have disconnected from the Divine within you, the True Source of your Power.

Trying to get “rid of fear” is a mind game you can’t win.

As long as you see your fears as an enemy to defeat, you will continue to wage war against yourself.

To transform fear you must walk through it… to see the illusions and reclaim your Power.

The darkness or challenge is a pathway to the Light. You can get stuck in the story of a perceived problem. When you look for the deeper meaning of each experience that challenges you, you will always find healing, learning and growth opportunities.

Debbie Ford once wrote:

“Love the fears that you hold in your hand more than anything you have ever loved before.

Think about all the hours you have spent trying to deny, avoid, and get rid of these fears, and thank them for showing you your human limitations

Thank your fear for sending you out to look for ways to get rid of it. Look at how you have grown, healed and evolved in your search! Think of all you’ve discovered during your search! 

Thank your fear for bringing you into a journey of self-discovery to find your True Self and reunite with The Divine

Thank your fear for guiding you to see illusions created by your mind and being the catalyst for inspiration and motivation to take steps in faith, trust, and courage.

Thank your fear for helping you to reach out and connect with others, for your fear is probably what brought you to read this post!

Thank your soul for bringing fear into your life as a pathway to find your way back home to God – this presence within you that loves you dearly– this energy that always triumphs fear.

Love your fears as you would anything you cherish- bless them, honor them, and use them as the sacred reminders that they are…lighting the way back to the wholeness of your Sacred Self and into the loving embrace of the Divine.”

Beautiful wisdom….

You are living at an auspicious time in history, waking up to see life through a new set of eyes in this Era of Enlightenment.  Fear will continue to be a part of your life experience as you grow and evolve. A critical key to dance in this new energy is to learn how to live in the present moment, embracing each experience without resistance and allowing your feelings to be fully felt without trying to control, manage, move, and direct their elimination.

Any attempt you do to try to control your experience will create more resistance and suffering.

Imagine a fire burning and your resistance is like continuing to throw logs on the fire to keep it going.

Feel your fears (and every emotion) without focusing on the mental story your mind/ego is creating.

Experience your emotions as the energy they are and breathe into them, doing NOTHING. Just feel, breathe and notice… body sensations, thoughts swirling…whatever…..let your emotions play out….

Without resistance and actively engaging your efforts to get rid of or stop what you don’t want to feel, the emotions will begin to burn out and fall apart leading to transformation. Peace and Grace will rush in when you stop fighting.

I always make a connection with the Divine; to feel the Presence within me to help me stay strong and present as I walk through my pain which is part of the Grace Release Process I use and teach my clients to master.

In fact, the most powerfull partner to help you change your relationship with fear and have an extraordinary life is God/Higher Power/Jesus/The Divine/Inner Presence….

Final note: In the last five years I have faced a third period of my life falling apart; almost losing my home, financial debt, business decline, breast cancer diagnosis (I am quite well) and many dark moments of pain, I have never felt stronger, more alive or richer. What has helped me is my community, my faith and trust, my inner guidance, most of all, God. Fear no longer dominates my life. Joy, peace, abundance, gratitude, love……does.

Embrace your fears with love instead of judging them and doing battle. Your life will change…. 😀

Would you like to know how to turn fear into an ally to live your most vital, abundant, soul fulfilling life with the POWER of Grace to guide you?

Great news!

Join me for a four-week mini journey into Courage and POWER beginning Wednesday, June 11. Learn how to make fear your friend, unleash your inner hero, and partner with the Divine POWER within you to liberate you from the grip of your mind AND start thriving in ways you never have before. Early tuition ends Thursday, June 5, midnight EST.

Click below to learn more

>> Journey into Courage and POWER <<

This is the last time I am hosting this life-changing program that has helped people worldwide to transform their relationship with fear so that they could stop holding life back and thrive in way they never have before!

Love and blessings,

Lorraine

8 Comments

  • Lorraine,
    Have taken the time to read this article over a few times! Thank you. Love the concept of walking through and almost holding hands with fear rather than trying to beat it down…because as you say, that is an unwinnable game. The other message I received from this powerful article is to recognize fear when it appears. I think I’ve attempted to dress it up as something else so as not to see it as fear. Who wants fear knocking at the door?

  • Such an important article to help us move beyond battling with our fears and viewing them as the enemy to embracing the feelings of fear and allowing their charge to disintegrate.

  • Deb says:

    I really needed to hear this today. I’m in my 3rd life falling apart sequence and honestly, it’s been getting old. Thanks for giving me a new way of looking at it. I felt so much better after reading this, and I’ll be thinking about this this week as I try to save where I am living this week. Resistance is futile! 😉 Thank you, Lorraine!

    • Lorraine says:

      I echo your 3rd falling apart sequence Deb and for me, I see it as part of the Awakening process of continuing to shed patterns and illusions that are guiding us “home.” This is a natural part of the journey and the more I rest in that knowing and trust, dancing with the experience rather than reacting against it, Grace comes in. Resistance creates suffering which will lead you to Grace when you stop fighting or go directly to Grace by embracing what is happening out there and within you. We are all learning how to do this! Thank you for sharing Deb. 😀

  • Katby says:

    Thank you for this wonderful article, it has made a difference in how I deal with my fears. You have been such an insperation to me for so long. I enjoyed takeing classes with you in Easthampton, N.Y. many years ago and I have enjoyed following you for all these years, so many of the break throughers I have Made overt the years are because of your programs. Thank you so much for giving and careing.

    • Lorraine says:

      Thank you for commenting Kathy and for being in my community for so many years. I love hearing that what I share helps others! Your inner shifts help to transform the world. Thank YOU for that! Blessings, Lorraine

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